First-name basis
by David2
Summary: Dib has a machine that can


     First name basis 

This is my first ZIM fic. It will be different from a normal ZIM episode because it's going to have two subplots that will eventually tie in to the main plot. Please review.

Chapter 1: Power shift 

            " Well class, it is 1:42. That means our lesson on 'why dinosaurs were doomed from the start of their inconsequential existence' is over. We will now be learning about our own inevitable doom, and how you can avoid it." Ms. Bitters loomed over the frightened attendants of Skool, looking at one in particular. "Lizard Boy!" She hissed, "Why are you crying? It is disrupting the class." Lizard Boy managed to force out the words between tears " The dinosaurs were my friends. I loved them.  WHY DID THEY HAVE TO DIE?"

            Ms. Bitters seemingly slithered to the back of the room, examining Lizard Boy. After a minute, she spoke. " It seems my lesson has affected your perspective on life." She smiled evilly. "Good. Lizard Boy, seeing as you'll be traumatized for the rest of your miserable life, you may stay in the nurse's office for the rest of the day." Lizard Boy tiptoed out of the room, trembling as he walked. 

            Dib frantically wrote something down before the next lesson started. 'More evidence that Lizard Boy is a reptilian mutation' he thought. 'After I expose ZIM as an alien, he will be my next target of study. And I think that will be very soon'. He didn't know how he would do it, but before his dad left for work, he mentioned his newest invention that will destroy any civilized being in the universe. Dib was promised to learn how to use this machine during Professor Membrane's annual father-son quality time, which happened to be right after Skool today. Dib was making sure to pay attention in class so he wouldn't get detention, or he'd have to wait another year to use the machine. Ms. Bitters interrupted his thoughts. "Dib! Are you paying attention?" "Yes Ms. Bitters" he said. He decided to ask a question to make it look like he was paying attention, even though he was limited to 5 questions a week. " If my doom is inevitable, how can I avoid it?" Ms Bitters quickly responded, "That, Dib, is a question doomologists have pondered for centuries. They have all come to the same conclusion, which can be summed up in two words." She paused for dramatic effect. "You can't"

            Zim stopped thinking about Lizard Boy being a reptilian mutation and perked up at these words. " Excellent" He said to himself "More proof that I will take control over the world and FORCE ALL YOU PUNY FUR-MAGGOTS TO DO MY BIDDING." By now he was unknowingly speaking out loud so everyone in the class could hear him. Everyone was so surprised by this outburst they just sat silently.  Dib took this opportunity to get a certain point across. "DON'T YOU SEE?" he yelled, "PROOF THAT ZIM IS AN ALIEN. HOW CAN YOU THINK OTHERWISE AFTER WHAT HE JUST SAID? Immediately, everyone except Zim and Dib raised their hands.

            "Before you all waste another question, I'll tell you that I used the last crazy card last week when Keef was chasing a rabid squirrel on Skool grounds" Ms. Bitters said. With that in mind, everyone put his or her hands down.  

For the rest of the day, Dib sulked in his seat, angry that no one else knew there was an extraterrestrial in the classroom. Zim, however, was happy that Dib's futile attempts to expose him as an alien were thwarted by the ignorance of the other Earth beasts. Plus, GIR would still be searching for the rubber piggy Zim had hidden when they were playing a game, so Zim could plot Earth's demise in peace. "I've got to give GIR credit for being persistent," he said to himself. " After five days, I'd think he'd have given up."       

"Finally, I'm home" Dib said with excitement in his voice " I can't wait to see dad's invention." Dib charged through the front door…and straight into the one and only Professor Membrane. " Practicing your tackling skills I see, son?" the respectively named Professor said to Dib " I have to go to work now, see you later." "But, dad, what about our annual father-son quality time?" Dib said. His dad quickly responded " I was ready for you at 2:00, but you never showed up." Dib was shocked at his dad's ignorance.  "Dad" he said "I have Skool until 3:00." "Nonsense, last time I checked, you get out at Noon." "When did you last check, when I was in Kindergarten?" Dib sarcastically commented.  " Don't be silly, son" the professor said "I'm pretty sure it was your second year in preschool. Now, if you really want to use the invention, I left written instructions for you on the kitchen counter, along with some SUPER-toast for a snack. I'm really late for work now, bye." And with that, Professor Membrane left for work, leaving Dib standing there. "Okay" he said, " now that dad's gone, what do I do?" The unmistakable voice of Gaz piped up from behind him. "For starters, you can move out of the way, you're blocking my light, and I can't destroy vampire piggies without LIGHT."  Dib walked away before Gaz could unleash her potential powers of destruction. 

He decided to read the instructions before checking out the machine.  Like his dad said, they were on the kitchen counter. Dib spent almost an hour reading through them, it was very technical stuff that only someone with Membrane genes could begin to comprehend. "If I read this right" Dib said, " I should be able to type in the name of a person or other civilized being using the built-in keyboard, and it will reconfigure their molecular structure so that they will turned into a state of matter called "nil". "Nil" appears to be some sort of inanimate, non-existent…thing, which only dad and me know about. Cool. I've gotta test this out. But it has to be on someone who isn't important, someone that deserves to be "nillified"

It has to be…"

            "…ZIM, password 946PICO."  Zim said to the computer as he entered the lab. A red laser swept across the top of his head. "Name and password accepted, voice recognized. Antennae scan successful. Welcome Invader Zim" the computer said. Zim stretched out on his usual chair. "Now I can finally get some work done," he said to himself, "No more doomy lessons from Ms. Bitters, no peeking eyes of the Dib-human, and best of all, no…" His speech was interrupted by a piercing voice that was all too familiar. "I'M HOME MASTER. I'M GONNA WATCH THE SCARY MONKEY SHOW." "GIR" Zim yelled, "Get down here this nanosecond." GIR's eyes turned red. "Yes my master" he said in an obedient voice. He went down to the lab by way of garbage can and walked in front of Zim. His eyes then turned blue and he said "Awwwwwwwwww. You made me miss the best part of the show." "GIR, why are you not out searching for your rubber piggie?" Zim said. GIR stood silently for a few seconds before he responded, "I can't find it". Zim sighed "GIR, take this." Zim put the location chip thingy (The one used in "walk of doom") in GIR's head. "Tell me where the piggie is." Zim said. GIR's eyes turned red and pointed to the location of the piggie. "Now go get it" Zim said, "I've put what these humans call "microphone" and "recorder" in your brain so I can listen to what goes on. If you get the piggie and stay out of my way for the rest of the day I'll give you a taco." "YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEE, TACOS!!!" GIR cheered. "And don't do anything destructive" Zim said, "That's my job." GIR put on his dog costume and ran out of the house being a one-robot conga line while chanting "I'm gonna get a taco! I'm gonna get a taco! I'm gonna get a taco!" "GIR, you're disguised as a dog, so try to act…doggy-like." Zim said. "Sorry master" GIR said. He then started chanting "I'm gonna get a taco! Bark! I'm gonna get a taco!" Zim sighed. "At least he seems to have the intelligence of a dog," Zim said. " The Tallest really set me up with some high quality technology. It's almost as if he actually is stupid."

            Meanwhile, in the Membrane household, Gaz walked into the TV room, her face glued to the screen of the GS2. Dib was watching TV. "Hey" Gaz said to her brother, "I thought you were downstairs using dad's invention." "What are you talking about Rika, your parents are divorced? And that has nothing to do with digivolving" Dib said, obviously unaware of Gaz's presence. 

At the mention of "digivolving" Gaz glanced at the TV. "Are you watching that digimon show?" Gaz asked Dib. "Oh, hi Gaz, I didn't notice you. Yes, I am watching digimon, believe it or not; it has lots of stuff an expert paranormal investigator like me can look into.  I mean, this whole idea of a digital world sounds like it could be a government cover-up. This stuff could really exist. You really should watch it Gaz." Dib said. All of a sudden, Dib heard the beeping noise being emitted from the GS2. Dib and Gaz both knew what that meant. GAME OVER. Gaz had forgotten to pause the game. She angrily looked up at Dib and spoke with clenched teeth. " I was 91.2 points away from beating my high score, and you DISTRACTED ME!" She yelled. She pointed at the TV. "YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE TO GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULD WATCH THAT "DIGIMON" CRAP AND I'LL CONSIDER SPARING YOUR LIFE." 

Dib was paralyzed with fear. He had to think of something. And then it came to him. "You have 45 seconds left." Gaz said. Dib started to speak, "Well, after this episode, they're going to show the entire myotismon arc of season one, followed by the episode "the boar wars" in which Vikaralamon makes his first appearance." "And what exactly is a myotismon and a vikaralamon?" Gaz asked. "Well" Dib said, " Myotismon is an evil digimon, his name derived from myotis, a genus of bats, so his name means, "bat monster". Vikaralamon is the 9th deva to appear in the show, representing the boar of the Chinese zodiac." Gaz said, "I have no idea what you just said, but I do know you have 5 seconds left. Dib knew this is what would do it, "Basically, one is a vampire, and the other is a giant piggie." Gaz's face turned from one of anger into one of surprise. "Did you just say "vampire piggie"?" She asked. "In a sense, yes." Dib said. Gaz was in deep thought for a moment. After a moment she spoke, "I'll spare your life for now and watch this "digimon". I doubt it'll even be that good."

Four hours later, Gaz's eyes were glued to the TV screen. "You idiot myotismon" she yelled to the TV, "It's obvious Kari is the 8th child". "Gaz maybe you better calm down" Dib said, "You've released your grip on the GS2". " Don't talk to me until commercial break, I'm trying to watch." "I think you're becoming addicted to digimon, Gaz, what about your GS2?" A commercial break started, and Gaz faced Dib. "What's a GS2?" she asked. Dib sat there in shock. He managed to spit out the answer "A game…slave…two. You know vampire piggy hunter 2. How could you have forgotten? I mean, what is digimon compared to your GS2?" "You wanna know, Dib? You wanna what I think about this GS2? I'll show you!" With that, Gaz walked out of the room. "You know" Dib said to himself, trying to distract himself from what had just happened, "The machine should be ready. Time to nilllify Zim and get rid of him once and for all." Dib went into the basement. He approached the keyboard and typed in Zim. 'This is the moment I've been waiting for all my life. Zim, your life ends now." And Dib pressed the "enter" key. But to Dib's shock, nothing happened. "What's wrong?" he screamed to no one in particular. He read the message off the screen "Error: no first name given. B-b-but, I don't know Zim's first name, I thought it was Zim. So Zim is his last name. But what's his first name. I don't believe this! I can't destroy Zim because I don't know his first name. I MUST FIND OUT ZIM'S FIRST NAME, THE FUTURE OF EARTH DEPENDS ON IT!!!" His voice could be heard for miles, it was so loud. He ran upstairs to tell Gaz anyways. "Gaz, you're not gonna believe this…Oh my God." Dib saw Gaz holding her GS2 over the window. He forgot about Zim for the moment and asked Gaz "What are you doing?" "I'm throwing away this GS2. With digimon around I don't need it. Let the dogs play with it." And she dropped it out the window. It made a clunk as it hit the ground. Dib, with mouth gaping and eyes wide open, promptly fainted.

Meanwhile, GIR had found the pig in the bush. "YAAAAY. I'm gonna get a taco." He said. Suddenly, something hit him on the head. Being made of metal, it didn't hurt him. He picked it up and read the engraving, which was only three letters. "Hmmmm. It says G…S…2."

Do you like the story so far? The next chapter will hopefully be up soon.


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